Our plans to generate cash to keep the station open have come to nothing. The receivers were here this morning and this is our final show unless a secret benefactor steps forward. Our last show was edited overnight. Here it is as we go over now to the New Stadium and Obediah McQuittie who is in a baby carriage with his internal nasal mic, being pushed along by Maybelle.
Welcome to KOEH's first live broadcast from the New Stadium on the opening, inaugural, and first game of concussionball where the objective is not to score touchdowns but to score head bangs. I, Obediah McQuittie, will bring you the blow by blow.. heh, heh... as soon as the game starts... What...? IT IS! Well, listeners, I'm told we are now in half time. The stadium is full to capacity with fans supporting the Dipperville Dandelions in frack sand beige and the Hoopdeville Slashers in grey with red and green streaks-- What...? Okay. The Hoopdeville outfit is all white - the green streaks are grass stains, the red is blood. The blow up spectators are in place and are all inflated and ready to just burst with excitement.
The second rocket with the untested engine is moments from takeoff from the launch pad the other side of the Freeway MiniMall. Aboard are all the citizens of Dipperville except the Dipperville Dandelion players, and Maybelle and McQuittie who, as you know, are bringing you the inaugural game at the new Stadium. Also not aboard is yours truly, Harvey Smottle, who never goes out.
There she goes, up into the sky, leaving behind a white trail as she reaches into the beyond.
The high school literacy program has been suspended while the students clean up the mess in the New Stadium after the test rocket crash last week. The stadium needs to be clean for next week's opening game.
CHIEF: Dibs on the coffee machine? Can I have my own show? Canadian Mounted Police music.
Francoise, owner of the Dog Eat Dog license, is freaking out. Pastor deGoat threw her and her liquor stock out of the church. Said he didn't want no pole dancing in his basement.
MAYOR: We need a secret benefactor to save this radio station. Me and the Chief are calling a meeting to discuss a sore issue.